it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
