I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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