Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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