Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize