we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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