It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
