So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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