can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
