Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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