He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
someone owes me an orgasm
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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