Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
