When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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