You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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