I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
