My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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