Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
