pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
