he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Randomize
