so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
