Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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