Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
