Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you win again, gameday.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize