I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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