Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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