Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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