Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
