Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
