hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
