do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
