What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's the barista slut.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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