YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
