If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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