Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
