that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
