Define "chronic" masturbator.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
