booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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