i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
