You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
