My room smells like vodka and shame
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
