After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize