For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
