I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
