some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
