I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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