just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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