hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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