I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Panties = found
Randomize
