i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
as a side note pls kill me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
