im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
