So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
