every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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