I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
dude. I can hear the air.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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