I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize