actually, I'm a sock model
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
