my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
