i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
