Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
