I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize