She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
