finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
