Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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