I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
