The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
