I am midnight drunk by noon
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we should paint friendship bongs
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize