i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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