I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How's work?
Spinning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
