the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
