Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
