Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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