Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
