Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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