Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
