The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
