I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
