I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I forget how to act sober
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