just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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