I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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