I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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