girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
