When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
