youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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