right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
