i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
