Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
