it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
