Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
