I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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