I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
