so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
