I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
