I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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