you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
