You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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